HOW I FEEL

VERY ALONE IS HOW I FEEL I TRY TO PRETEND EVERYDAY SO PEOPLE DO NOT BE BOTHERED WITH ME I TRY AND TRY IT TAKES ALL MY MENTAL MIGHT TO DO ANYTHING.  TO GET DRESSED IF I DO I A 2 HOUR EVENT AND THEN I HAVE TO REST AFTER TO EVEN LEAVE.

I WISH I KNEW HOW TO SHARE LINKS BUT “THE SPOON THEORY” PERFECTLY EXPRESS HOW DIFFICULT THINGS ARE AND IM IN A SEVERE, AND GUARDED SITUATION . I FEEL I DO VERY WELL FOR WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH ME. BUT PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND I DO NOT EXPECT THEM TO BUT WHAT I HOPE FOR IS FOR THEM TO JUST BELIEVE ME AND AT LEAST HAVE COMPASSION , TOLERANCE, AND DIGNITY.

One of those nights can not sleep but need. i dream of so many things that people take for granted daily. it is difficult to see all the life just pass by , when to me it is just dreams , so much time passes and i dream of all these things people are fortunate to do ,see, eat, i can not anymore

THING S ARE SAID TO ME THAT HURT ME IT TAKES ALL MY MENTAL MIGHT TO DO ANYTHING.
SOMETIMES I CANT GET DRESSED IT TAKES 2 HOURS AND PAIN TO DO SO THEN IF I DONT IM PUT DOWN FOR NOT BEING TOGETHER
“WHO DOESNT GET DRESSED” MANY DO THAN HAVE TROUBLE.
THEN WHEN I AM TOGETHER PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE FINE WHEN IT MAY HAVE TAKEN HOURS TO DO SO AND YOUR AGAIN TAKING ALL YOUR MIGHT.  THE STRUGGLE IS HARD ENOUGH ,AD ON THE STRUGGLE OF THIS.
I FEEL CONSTANTLY ATTACKED AT MY COGNITION I TRY TO COMMUNICATED THE BEST I CAN AM IM PUT DOWN OFTEN ANDIT MAKES ME TO FEEL BAD.  I HAVE IMMUNE ATTACKING MY BRIAN I DO WELL CONSIDERING WHAT IS HAPPENING .  I MAY NOT PROCESS THINGS CORRECTLY OR FIND THE CORRECT WORDS BUT I TRY. iT TAKES ALL MY MIGHT TO COMMUNITCATE THE BEST I CAN AND WHEN PEOPLE DO NOT AT LEAST UNDERSTAND THIS AND LET ME TRY THE BEST I AM ABLE I MAKE ME MORE AFRAID AND SACARED WHEN THE ONES I LOVE KNOW I HAVE THINS AND FRUSTRATED WITH MY LACK OF THE CORECCT WORDS . I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW I TRY AND TRY. THE MORE I AM REJECTED THE HARDER IT IS FOR ME.
WRITING THIS IS DIFFICULT . LUPUS CERERBRITIS . I AM DOING MY BEST .

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