I DO NOT WANT TO DO CHEMO THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY RIGHT NOW IM HAVING AN EMOTIONAL TIME OF IT

MY COGNITION WORKS DIFFERENT .  TO EXPRESS IT I AM TOLD TO LET PEOPLE KNOW BASICALLY ONE THING SO THEY CAN TRY TO UNDERSTAND MY FILING CABINET IS FULL THERE IS NO MORE SPACE TO HOLD INFORMATION. WHAT EVER THOUGHT COMES TO MY MIND I NEED TO EXPRESS IT RIGHT AWAY OR IT LEAVES ME OR WRITE IT DOWN. THINK I AM STRANGE BUT THE BRAIN WORKS IN VERY INTERESTING WAYS. LAST NIGHT AS I WAS IN THE SHOWER I HAD A RANDOM SONG COME TO MY MIND I GUESS IM WAS FEELING SCARED AND ALONE BUT AT THE SAME TIME LAUGHING AND CRYING ABOUT IT ALL. AT RANDOM COME UP WITH RHYMING POEMS AND LAST NIGHT WAS:

 

” IT’S MY BIG 50 DOES ANYONE KNOW”

“NO I’M NOT A HOE”

I’M SITTIN HERE ALL HE-LONE

FAR FROM HOME

LALALALA LOL…….

THEN I REALIZED AT THE TIME OF DIAGNOSIS THE OUT LOOK WAS NOT GOOD I HAVE MADE IT TO MY 50TH YEAR, WELL ON MAY 26TH I WILL HAVE MADE IT , I BETTER ( I THOUGHT OF ALL THIS THEN I SAW A VIDEO TODAY OF ANOTHER WOMAN EXPRESSING THE SAME ) SO, FAR IT HAVE BEAT THE ODD’S AS MY PROGNOSIS IS NOT GOOD BUT I HOPE TO KEEP BEATING IT AS LONG AS I CAN , THOUGH I AM NOT GOING TO LIE IT IS HARD AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I JUST CAN NOT DO IT ANYMORE. I DON’T WANT TO GO TO ANY MORE DOCTORS . I FEEL LIKE A COW ON A MEAT HOOK ,THAT IS HOW I FEEL. AT THE SAME TIME I KEEP HOPE IN THAT I GET TO FEEL LIFE AGAIN. LIFE WITHOUT SUCH A SIMPLE THING AS ARISING FROM THE BED BECOMES ONE DAY A SIMPLE THING .

ALSO STATS ONLY TWENTY YEARS AGO BASICALLY STATED HAVING A CHILD WOULD MOST PROBABLY NOT HAPPEN I AM LUCKY TO HAVE THE MIRACLE OF A DAUGHTER ,WHO IS OF COURSE TO ME ,THE MOST SPECIAL GIRL IN THE WORLD.

 Can I have children if I have lupus?

Twenty years ago the answer would have been “no.” But today, successful pregnancy and childbirth are possible. It is wise for lupus patients to be in the care of a high-risk ob/gyn.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s